Trades Private Hotel

01/11/2026

🎅🎄 HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! 🎄🎅

SORRY… WRONG MONTH! 🤦‍♂️😂

HAPPY 1ST OF NOVEMBER! 🤣

Well, that's it… Christmas is officially approaching! 🎁

Time to get those decorations down from the loft, dust off the Christmas trees, untangle the 6 miles of fairy lights and find out which bauble survived last year! 😂🎄

For those of you already playing Christmas songs and putting your trees up… WE SEE YOU! 👀🤣

But before you start wrapping presents for people you don't even like, pop in and see us! 🍻

🍺 SUNDAY SERVICE AT TRADES! 🍺

We're open 12PM TILL 4AM – yes, that's 4AM! Even Santa would struggle to keep up! 🎅🍻

🎱 Pool table ready for action – remember, it's a pool table, not a demolition site! 😂

🍺 Plenty of chilled refreshments to keep you going.

🌙 Two large, lovely dark rooms for a little mystery… we'll leave that one there! 😉😂

🎉 Banter, laughs and the usual Trades hospitality!

🎄 CHRISTMAS DAY DINNER – £45 PER PERSON! 🍽️

Don't forget to get your Christmas dinner booked! Turkey, trimmings and all the festive goodness without having to wash up afterwards! 🦃🤣

So whether you're putting your tree up, taking your decorations down or still recovering from last Christmas… we've got a place for you!

HAPPY 1ST OF NOVEMBER! 😂🎅

See you at the bar! 🍻❤️

TRADES HOTEL & BAR – OPEN TILL 4AM!

31/10/2026

🎃👻💀 BOO! IT'S HALLOWEEN SATURDAY AT TRADES HOTEL & BAR! 💀👻🎃

Well, it's that time of year again when things go bump in the night… and that's just some of our customers trying to get off their bar stools! 😂🍻

Tonight we're embracing all things spooky! 🕷️🕸️

👻 Plenty of dark areas for those who like a bit of mystery… or can't find the light switch!

🧛 A few spooky ghoulies lurking about… some are staff, some are customers, and we're not entirely sure about the rest! 😂

🎱 Pool table ready for a few frighteningly bad shots!

🍺 Drinks flowing to keep the spirits up… and we're not just talking about the ghostly kind!

🕸️ Two large mysterious rooms, nice and dark, where even your own shadow might give you a fright! 😱

🎃 Costumes are optional, scary faces are already provided by some of our regulars! 🤣

So get your glad rags on, dust off those fancy dress outfits and come and join the Halloween fun.

No need to knock three times… just walk in! 🚪👻

OPEN FROM 12PM UNTIL 4AM! 🕛🍻

Don't let the ghosts have all the fun… we'll see you at Trades! 🎃🖤👻

30/10/2026

🎃👻 FRIDAY NIGHT AT TRADES HOTEL & BAR! 👻🎃

Well, it's Friday, the weekend is upon us and we're kicking off a spooktacular Halloween weekend! 🧙‍♀️🕷️

The witches are warming up, the ghosts are getting ready and the usual suspects are already looking suspicious! 😂🧛‍♂️

🍻 Drinks flowing, banter guaranteed!
🎱 Pool table ready for a few Halloween horrors!
🌙 Our two large, dark and mysterious rooms are waiting for you!

🎄 And don't forget… Christmas Day dinner is just around the corner! £45 per person. Even the ghosts are booking their tables! 👻😂

So get your spooky outfits on, dust off those glad rags and come join us!

Open from 12pm till 4am.

No tricks, just treats (and possibly a few dodgy dance moves)! 🎃🍻👻

Happy Halloween from everyone at Trades! 🧡🖤

24/10/2026

🌬️😂 SATURDAY NIGHT WIND-UP AT TRADES HOTEL AND BAR! 😂🌬️

Well, folks, batten down the hatches because tonight’s night shift is being blown in from 8pm! 🌪️🍻

🧹 8PM – ROBERT ARRIVES! 🧹
Hold on to your wigs! Robert will be mopping up all the water blown in by the wind… and probably mopping areas that don’t even need mopping! 🤣💦

Just to clarify, folks, HE’S NOT A PLUMBER! 🚿😂 If you’ve got a leak, don’t expect him to fix it — he’ll just mop around it! 🪣🤣

🦸‍♂️ 10PM – PHIL MAKES HIS GRAND ENTRANCE! 🦸‍♂️
Gliding in on the wind like Mary Poppins, minus the umbrella skills and with probably just as much baggage! ☂️🌬️😂 Hold on to your hats, folks, the main attraction has arrived!

⏰ DON’T FORGET THE CLOCKS GO BACK TONIGHT! ⏰
At 2am, the clocks go back one hour, so you get an extra hour to enjoy yourselves! 🕑🍻🥳

And before you ask… YES, WE’RE STILL HERE UNTIL 4AM! 🌙🔥
We’ll be here until the bitter end, come wind, rain or Robert with his mop! 😂🧹

So get your glad rags on, hang on to your umbrellas and come and join us at Trades Hotel and Bar! 🍻🎱🌪️

❤️ Stay safe out there, everyone, and don’t let the wind blow you into the wrong pub! 🤣💨

23/10/2026

🍻🎉 FRIDAY HAS LANDED AT TRADES HOTEL AND BAR! 🎉🍻

🥳 It's the start of the weekend, people! Time to shake off the working week, dig out your glad rags and get yourselves down to Trades Hotel and Bar! 🍺😎

🌧️💦 Don't let a bit of British weather put you off… SKIN IS WATERPROOF! 😂🤣 And if you've spent hours getting ready, you might as well show it off! 💃🕺

🍻 The drinks are ready
🎱 The pool table is waiting
🌑 Our 2 mysterious rooms are ready for a little adventure
☕ Fresh ground Rijo coffee and luxury hot chocolate for those who prefer a warmer experience!

🎄 And don't forget, Christmas Day dinner is available for just £45 per person — get booked before Santa fills his diary! 🎅🍽️😂

🍺 So grab your mates, embrace the drizzle and come and start your weekend the Trades way!

📍 Trades Hotel and Bar
⏰ Open until 4am — because apparently, bedtime is optional on a Friday! 🤣🍻

RAIN OR SHINE, WE'LL SEE YOU AT THE BAR! 🍻🌧️🎉

22/10/2026

🌈🍽️ ATTENTION ALL YOU LOVELY LOT! 🍽️🌈

Here at Trades Hotel & Bar, we’re bringing the community together one buffet plate at a time! 😂❤️

🥪🍕 We’ve got a buffet ready and waiting, with a minimum donation to help support our community and make it RAINBOW! 🌈🏳️‍🌈

💷 Pay what’s asked, eat what you fancy, and leave the buffet looking like it’s survived a visit from a plague of locusts! 🤣🐛

Every donation makes a difference, no matter how big or small. ❤️🌈 So dig deep, fill your plates, and remember… it’s a buffet, not a competitive eating championship! 😂🍴

Come along, have a laugh, grab a bite, and help us spread a little colour, kindness and community spirit! 🥰🌈

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 LET’S MAKE IT RAINBOW! 🌈

📍 Trades Hotel & Bar
🍽️ Good food
😂 Good laughs
❤️ A good cause
🌈 And hopefully someone else doing the washing-up! 🤣🧽

Come hungry, leave happy, and support your community! 🥰🙌🌈

21/10/2026

🤪🎉 WACKY WEDNESDAY AT TRADES HOTEL AND BAR! 🎉🤪

Well, well, well… it’s Wednesday again! 😂🍻 Halfway through the week and already questioning your life choices? PERFECT! You’ll fit right in! 🤣

🍺 Drinks flowing – beers, wines and spirits to keep you refreshed!
☕ Rijo coffees & luxury hot chocolate – for those pretending to be sensible! 😂
🎱 Pool table ready – remember, it’s a pool table, not anger management! 🤣
😉 2 mysterious rooms – we’ll leave that one to your imagination! 😏

🎄 And don't forget, Christmas Day dinner is coming! 🍽️ Only £45 per person – get booked in before Santa drinks all the gravy! 🎅😂

⏰ OPEN FROM 12PM RIGHT THROUGH TILL 4AM! 🌙

So bring your best banter, your questionable dance moves and your Wednesday weirdness! 🤪

📍 Trades Hotel and Bar – where normal is overrated and the memories are questionable! 🍻😂

🎉🍺

20/10/2026

we got more Roberts than required

View the full image in ChatGPT.

20/10/2026

🚨🥃 STOP EVERYTHING… TUESDAY NIGHT HAS JUST GOT INTERESTING! 😂🍻

🇷🇴 It's Tuesday night here at Trades Hotel and Bar, and Robert is on the bar! 🍺

Now, we can't promise you'll understand a word he says 🤣🗣️ but we CAN promise he's got refreshments ready and waiting! If anyone can translate Robert into English, please report to the bar immediately! 😂😂

🎁🥃 🔥 FREE SHOT ON ROBERT BEFORE 9PM! 🔥🥃

Yes, FREE! Before 9pm, folks! ⏰ Don't hang about until half nine asking where your free shot's gone… Robert will probably have forgotten what day it is by then! 🤣🤦‍♂️

🍻 What's on the menu tonight?
🍺 Cold drinks to wet your whistle
🎱 Pool table ready for some questionable sporting ability
☕ Rijo coffees and luxury hot chocolate for those pretending to be sensible
😏 Two mysterious rooms for a little adventure
😂 Robert's world-famous banter… subtitles available in absolutely nobody's imagination!

👔 Get your glad rags on, sort your hair out, and bring your best attempts at understanding Robert! 🗣️🤣

☔ A little tip: Bring an umbrella, just in case the weather turns nasty… or you need something to lean on while you're staggering home! 😂🌧️

📍 Trades Hotel and Bar
🕛 Open till 4AM! 🌙🍻

🥃 REMEMBER: FREE SHOT ON ROBERT BEFORE 9PM! Tell your mates, tell your neighbours, tell that one who always turns up late! 😂📣

🍻🤣🥃

20/10/2026

🍻😂 IT’S TUESDAY, TRADES! 😂🍻

Well, we’ve survived Monday, so surely Tuesday can’t be that bad… can it? 🤔🤣

📍 Here at Trades Hotel and Bar, we’re OPEN from 12PM RIGHT THROUGH TILL 4AM! 🌞➡️🌙

🍺 Drinks flowing and glasses waiting to be filled!
☕ Fancy a little pick-me-up? We’ve got Rijo coffee and luxury hot chocolate! ☕🍫
🎱 Pool table ready for action — remember, folks, don’t tap it, WACK IT! 😂
😉 And, of course, our 2 mysterious rooms are waiting for those who fancy a little adventure! 😏🔦

🍽️🎄 DON’T FORGET CHRISTMAS DINNER! 🎄🍽️
Get yourself booked in for Christmas Day dinner for just £45 per person! 🎅🍴 Because even Santa deserves a day off cooking! 😂

So, whether you’re popping in for one or accidentally staying till closing time… you know where we are! 🤣🍻

📍 Trades Hotel and Bar
🕛 Open from 12PM till 4AM!

See you at the bar, you lovely lot! 🍻❤️😜

🎄🍺