18/06/2026
‘And here we have the Callum in his natural habitat…
Notice the intense concentration as he carefully assembles the evening’s prey, unaware that he is being observed. Every movement is deliberate. Every garnish has a purpose.
Having spent years refining this ritual, the Callum can often be found lurking behind the pass, surviving almost entirely on caffeine, determination, and the occasional staff meal.
A fascinating creature indeed’
— David Attenborough, allegedly.