09/08/2026
Come visit us in the “Hicks and Mountains” region! Where we have Sheetz and can totally tell you where that buck ran across the road in front of us back in 2009!
Pennsylvania Map Finally Updated to Show What’s Actually Here
After years of misleading residents with unnecessary details like counties, highways and actual geography, officials have unveiled a more accurate map of Pennsylvania.
The entire northern half has officially been designated “Hicks and Mountains,” an enormous wilderness consisting primarily of deer, Sheetz, pickup trucks, volunteer fire departments and people who can tell you exactly where a buck crossed Route 6 in 2009.
The northwest corner remains Erie, a mysterious frozen appendage Pennsylvania keeps around so we can technically say we have a beach. The northeast has been labeled Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, surrounded by the Poconos, where every third house is either an Airbnb, has a heart-shaped bathtub, or is owned by someone from New Jersey.
Central Pennsylvania has been divided into “Hicks and Amish,” where a lifted F-250 can become trapped behind a horse and buggy for 11 miles with absolutely no legal means of escape.
Hershey has been granted its own tiny annex because chocolate apparently earned enough XP to become sovereign territory. Pittsburgh has simply been labeled “From Pittsburgh,” because nobody east of Altoona can confidently explain what happens over there besides bridges, Primanti sandwiches and saying “yinz.”
Southeastern Pennsylvania has been divided into two territories: “From Philly” and “FROM Philly,” depending entirely on how aggressively the person insists they’re from Philadelphia despite living 47 minutes away.
The western border is officially just HOAGIES.
And stretching across the entire top of the Commonwealth: POTHOLES.
Finally, a map we can use in Pennsylvania!
