11/06/2026
Nigeria Says It Will Repatriate Its People From South Africa, But Only The Good Ones
ABUJA – The Nigerian government has announced plans to repatriate thousands of its citizens from South Africa, but officials have clarified that only the "good Nigerians" will be allowed on the first flights home.
Speaking at a press conference on Wednesday, Nigeria's newly appointed Minister of Repatriations, Deportations, and General Confusion, Chief Chukwudi "Check First" Okafor, said the government was carefully screening applicants before approving their return.
"We are happy to welcome our citizens home," said the minister. "However, some of them are too loud, too clumsy, and frankly, too embarrassing. We are still trying to decide what we should do with those ones."
The minister explained that the first repatriation flights would prioritize Nigerians who have not started at least three arguments before breakfast, have never used a Bluetooth speaker in public transport, and can walk through a shopping mall without shouting into their phones.
"We want quality control," he said. "If somebody has been banned from three WhatsApp groups, owes money in four countries, and can turn a simple queue into a political rally, we need further consultations."
According to officials, applicants are being subjected to a rigorous "Good Nigerian Test."
The test reportedly includes:
Standing in a queue for five minutes without complaining.
Returning a borrowed phone charger.
Explaining their business without using the phrase "my guy, trust me."
Completing a full conversation without mentioning crypto, forex trading, or a once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity.
Those who fail the assessment may be redirected to a special holding facility where they will attend compulsory classes on indoor voice management and basic public behaviour.
South African officials welcomed the announcement but appeared confused by Nigeria's screening process.
"We thought repatriation meant taking everyone
